The Art Of Listening

The Art Of Listening


People strive when they work together, and they can only work together when they can relate with each other through good communications. Communication is a way for people to connect with each other. We have to emphasize the words "to connect with each other" because it implies reciprocity - one to the other and the other to the other one. It is very important to understand the meaning of reciprocity because a good team work requires two way communications. In two way communications, as opposed to one way communications, both parties are participating in equal terms, there is a process of exchanging information taking place. On the contrary, in one way communications the exchange doesn't take place.

Why is the exchange of information so important? Because it allows each member of the team to know his position in relation to others and make adjustments whenever the situation calls for it. It is a dynamic and ongoing process, in which the person has to update himself all the time. Without the exchange of information, team work may falter. No team work is ever possible without communications, and communications involve listening.

What is listening then? Listening is the act of receiving what is conveyed by the other end. It is the effort to understand what the other person is saying from which he can respond. Referring back to the word reciprocity, the understanding of what is said is important in order to respond accordingly. Yet, do we always understand what the other person is trying to convey? How many times miscommunications make people fight over trivial matters?

Understanding people is not as easy as it seems. That's why many say that listening is an art. A lot of times, people assume that they understand what the other are saying, then they jump into conclusions only to find out later that their responses have no relevance to the topic of discussion. People believe they listen, but actually they don't. They don't pay attention and they don't give appropriate responses. In business, we cannot live on assumptions, we have to always check the facts.

In listening, we can verify the fact, so as not to make any assumptions, by reflecting back what was said. In conversations, we often hear people repeat what was said and then add "is that what you are saying?". That can be a good practice of listening so that they can respond accordingly. Nevertheless, there is more to listening than merely getting the words. A lot of times, what is not said says more than what was said. We need to read between the lines. Beside the words, we need to listen to the tones, the gestures and the way of saying it. Is it a statement or is it a question? Does the person say it with confidence or he looks as if he doesn't know what he is saying? Is it a pure statement or does it contain sarcasm? Does it have an irony or conflicting statements? Is the person sincere or does he have a hidden agenda? All of those can carry further messages. The words "thank you" may show appreciation but it can also show the feeling of being offended, depending upon the way of saying it. We can only reveal what is really said, despite the words, with good listening.